At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
