Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The feeling are messing with the penis
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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