I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He felt like a one man threesome
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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