So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
His nipple licking is glorious
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