I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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