At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
