I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
