everyone is single if you try hard enough
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
