This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
