Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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