you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
