Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
