just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
