btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
