Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
