You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
