So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
