OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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