k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
