community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
