Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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