Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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