I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
