i think i have two assholes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
