whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
