bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
