$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
