I hate your face
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
