She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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