cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
