It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
