think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
