She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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