Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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