the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
