you guys were way drunker than both of me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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