Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
