actually, I'm a sock model
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
