i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
