During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
