oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
