I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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