I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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