there's paper in my vomit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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