Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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