help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Im part way to drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
