just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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