I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
