Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
