You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
