I think my vagina is haunted
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
