talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
