She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
