ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
