Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
