Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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